NOW! The Christmas Album (1985)
Now That's What I Call Music! - The Christmas Album
Cover Art
I've made the assumption here that the sleeve is supposed to be a snow-covered window and that someone has wiped portions of the white stuff away so as we can see a few festive snaps of the artists included. With its coloured polka dots it looks more like some wallpaper that I had in my bedroom in the later 80s and some of it has been ripped off in order to view some old pop posters that had been wallpapered over. It could also be an attempt at a gift as there's a NOW! tag hanging off the top. Due to there being only eighteen tracks and therefore not a double LP there is no need for a gatefold sleeve and disappointingly no room for any sleeve notes.
Side One
01 – Band Aid – Do They Know It's Christmas (#1)
Where do you begin with a song such as this? Well, with my favourite story – on the day of the recording, it was found that Spandau Ballet smashed the studio toilets doors down after they had been locked in there by Status Quo. I could just leave it that, but there are a few other curios worth mentioning along the way. The song itself is actually a re-modelled version of a song Geldof had written for The Boomtown Rats – 'It's My World'. Bob changed a few of the words and left it with Midge Ure to fart about with, although he didn't change a great deal – only swapping 'Ethiopia' for 'Africa' as 'Ethiopia' with its five syllables didn't scan well. Midge then created the backing track at his home studio and during this, Paul Weller visited to record lead guitar. Lead guitar that was not used on the final recording as Ure decided it didn't fit with the largely synthesized song. That might explain Paul Weller apparently behaving like an arsehole on the day of the vocal recording, with George Michael famously telling Weller not to be a wanker all his life and to have a day off. That day was spent at Trevor Horn's Sarm West facilities and the invites - plus a few uninvited – acts spent their time singing their lines, brushing off hangovers and dipping into Status Quo's big bag of booze and narcotics. Last in was Boy George who had flown in via Concorde having been playing in New York the previous night and then they were done. Of course, the song flew to No1 and became the only pop single that my old headmistress Mrs Truby ever allowed to be played in assembly – returning swiftly to Vivaldi and Handel the following week. It has since returned to the charts on many occasions and in different incarnations. The first of note was in 1989 when Geldof asked Stock Aitken Waterman to produce a new version. This naturally hit the top spot and became the last No1 of the 1980s. Despite its rather un-Christmassy sound, it remains a decent enough version, but has been airbrushed from history by music snobs due to its lack of apparently 'credible' performers. As for Band Aid 20 and 30 – let's not even go there.
02 – Roy Wood with Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday (#4)
Arkwright's till, whooping, a raspberry amd a honking sax – it couldn't be anyone else other than Wizzard. Wood apparently wrote the song whilst sitting at his kitchen table. The chorus first, then the melody and the verses. It was meant to sound quite 'folky' to begin with but with a nod to Phil Spector he decided to make it a very over the top and 'Disney-like' affair – and history tells us he was right to do that. He wasn't right however to remake the song in 2002, turning it into a painfully clumsy 'mashup' with The Wombles which amazingly, still entered the charts, reaching No22. The aforementioned cash register which signals the song's arrival was hired by Wood after he had found samples on sound effects records were shite. Once everything had come together in a stupidly hot August, the song was ready to fight to be year's festive chart-topper. Frustratingly for Wood and co, this was also the same year another Christmas staple would be launched – namely Slade – which Wood feels prevented them from claiming their third No1 hit. Not quite sure I agree as this making No4 meant there were two further discs in the way. They had another crack in 1981 with a re-recorded version (due to the original master tapes having been lost) but that stalled at No41 before doing slightly better three years later when it re-entered at No23. In 1988 though, it did reach No1 as part of a Jive Bunny medley – a medley in which it also appears second to Slade. As well as this, as with so many Christmas songs, the download/streaming era means that it takes residence in the Top 40 every year regardless and as I write this it currently sits at No24 in the hit parade. So all is well.
03 – Slade – Merry Xmas Everybody (#1)
Slade bassist Jim Lea first decided the band should do a Christmas song after his mother-in-law told him to make something nice that could be played every year, such as 'Happy Birthday' – so not much of a challenge then. Whilst in the shower one day, Jim came up with a verse and glued it together with the melody from the chorus of an old song Noddy Holder had written – craply titled 'Buy Me A Rockin' Chair'. I've included the original lyrics from the chorus of said song so you can have a go at singing it the tune yourself. Here they are then: “So won't you buy me a rocking chair to watch the world go by, buy me a looking-glass to look me in the eye, eye, eye”. I've never heard the original, but it sounds shit. Noddy then wrote some better lyrics at his parents' house after a night down The Trumpet. His aim was to reflect a working-class family Christmas and give the public a much-needed pick-me-up. Like Wizzard, the song's recording was done during a scorching summer. In order to get a better sound for Noddy's shout-outs, microphones were taken out into the corridor as the studio wasn't echoey enough. The song was an instant smash, becoming Slade's sixth No1 and the third to go straight in at the top – something that was incredibly rare at the time. It remains a member of the 'charting every year on downloads' group, although unlike the other classics it currently sits outside of the Top 40 – at No62. Wizzard winning this time then. Surprisingly, there is no music video for this song. One would've have thought an official one could've been cobbled together from old clips for YouTube viewing, but there you are. On a final note, a number of cover versions exist – including an alarming reading by Jake from The Tweenies – and should you require one I'd like to point you in the direction of Hermes House Band.
04 – Wham! – Last Christmas (#2)
Just like Wizzard, Wham! were unlucky to be up against another monster Christmas song in their bid to become Christmas No1. They had no chance though – nobody would have – as the charity-ensemble Band Aid blew everyone else out of the icy water. George Michael wasn't bitter though and in a move that typifies the man, he denoted all royalties from the single to the Ethiopian Famine. 'Last Christmas' is one of those songs which you assume is faster than it is until you try and dance to it. It has a more laid-back than dance-floor style and the soft synths and muffled sleigh-bells give the song a warm but melancholy feeling as Michael laments over making a tit of himself over a lover the previous festive season. Written in the February of 1984, Michael was later sued for plagiarism by the writers of Barry Manilow's 'Can't Smile Without You' as he apparently stole its melody. The case was settled out of court so one assumes George acknowledged this. I can hear what they mean – but only in places. Have a listen and see what you think. If you fancy listening to a slightly different version, then there's also an extended 'Pudding Mix' which contains a few extra vocals – well, 'aah aahs' - in the latter half of the track, as well as a curious Hawaiian-flavoured intro. This initially appeared as 12” remix, alongside a remix of 'Everything She Wants', the AA side of the single. After Christmas, 'Everything She Wants' was then listed and promoted as the single's lead track, given the single more longevity. 'Last Christmas's popularity shows no sign of waning as it charts every year via downloads and streams. The promotional video on YouTube has seen 280 milllion views – a video which I have a splendid fact about. It's the last video ever to feature Michael clean-shaven. Told you it was a good one didn't I? 'Last Christmas' remains the biggest-selling song in the UK to never have reached No1, although a half-hearted campaign this Christmas might see it finally reach the summit. Over the years, many covers have been recorded which are often slipped cunningly into Christmas compilations that couldn't license the original, but only one version had any real chart success. That version was by Whigfield, whose popped-up PM Dawn-ish treatment hit No21 in 1995 as double A side with 'Big Time'.
05 – Elton John – Step Into Christmas (#24)
Christmas 1973 and Elton John writes and sends everyone an audio Christmas card in the name of 'Step Into Christmas'. I'm not entirely sure how one might 'step into' Christmas exactly but old Reg is very keen that we join him. Join him though we didn't, because despite receiving a healthy amount of airplay, the song peaked at No24. It does flirt with the charts every Christmas however and continues to feature at the lower end – at the time of writing it is right behind Slade at No63. Like a lot of Christmas songs of the 70s and 80s, the aim was to try and pay homage to Phil Spector and his 'wall of sound' and 'Step Into Christmas' certainly does that. The B side for the release was the (I think) deliberately awful 'Ho, Ho, Ho (Who'd Be A Turkey At Christmas)' which sounds like a Muppet Show turn. John did give us video with his Christmas card, but iy isn't terribly interesting, but if you do find yourself viewing it look out for Elton pulling his Watford supporters membership card out from under the tinsel on his piano.
06 – Mike Oldfield – In Dulce Jubilo (#4)
There’s one piece of music that I like to dig out to signal that Christmas is on the way, and this is it. The simple, whistle-able, self-played folk tune is an instrumental version of a German traditional Christmas carol of the same name – the name translating as ‘In Sweet Rejoicing’. Oldfield had recorded a version of ‘In Dulci Jubilo’ as the B-side to a previous single, but had decided he could do a better version and this was recorded in October ’75. This new version was released as single (backed with ‘On Horseback’) in the December of that year and became Oldfield’s first of four Top 10 singles – Portsmouth, Moonlight Shadow and Sentinel completing the quartet. ‘Portsmouth’ came directly after ‘In Dulci Jublio’ albeit a whole year later. It followed a similar formula to its predecessor but a Christmas single it was not. It’s hard not to think about Mike Oldfield and Christmas without thinking about Alan Partridge rambling near to Oldfield’s country estate before castigating him for not letting him film there, labelling him ‘small-minded’ and ‘nasty’. I’ve always wanted to do something comedic with this Christmas ditty, in creating my own silly pop video for it featuring a silly dance routine. That’s for another year though. The track’s actual music video is a simplistic, multi-split screen and shows Oldfield playing numerous instruments as they are added to the piece. They include recorders, a kortholt, acoustic and electric guitars, piano, string synthesiser and a snare drum. And it’s not at all silly.
07 – Gary Glitter – Another Rock 'n' Roll Christmas (#7)
It is December 1984 and the Top 10 had not been visited by Gary Glitter in nine years. A handful of singles had scraped into the forty, but his imperial phase was long-gone. So it was perhaps surprising that out of nowhere, Glitter stormed the Christmas charts and registered a No7 placing with ‘Another Rock ‘n’ Roll Christmas’. It was though his final hit single and with follow-up ‘Love Comes’ reaching a laughable No91, down the dumper he went. If anything, it does though display the power of a good song and a good song this is. It’s unmistakeable in every aspect – with its chiming intro, incessant glam-rock beat and chant-along chorus it is a Christmas party monster. Correction – it WAS a Christmas party monster. It really is one of the best Christmas songs ever made and because of Glitter’s incarceration it has been wiped from history. Christmas compilations have all been rerecorded and rereleased and even though nobody asked them, Jive Bunny recorded ‘Let’s Party’, squeezing Maria Carey into the medley where Glitter had been.
08 – Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime (#6)
The first of two ex-Beatles efforts – the other being John Lennon's of course. Not included however is George Harrison's 'Ding Dong, Ding Dong', which isn't as bad as it sounds. Worth a listen, or indeed a look as the video is quite amusing. In case you're wondering, Ringo did one too, but not until 1999 when he delivered us a whole album's worth of Christmas guff, titled 'I Wanna Be Santa Claus'. I've not listened to it. But back to Mac. Often cited as 'the worst Christmas song ever', 'Wonderful Christmastime' became the bonus ball to Sir Paul's already healthy-looking pension. It hit No6 in '79 since then has delighted and irritated shoppers alike, with it's cheap and cheerful quavering synthesizer notes, sleigh bells and er, little else. It never quite 'kicks in' for me mind you and has a very 'demo' sound about it. Overall though, it really isn't 'that' bad and like it or not, you have to tip your hat to the guy as he recorded the entire thing by himself, playing keyboards, synthesizer, guitar, drums, percussion – imagine someone from One Direction doing that. Tricky isn't it. The music video – which unusually isn't on YouTube – was set largely in little old country pub – the Fountain Inn in Ashurst, West Sussex to be precise. It was essentially Paul and Wings arsing about with some locals and getting whammed. And if that isn't a wonderful Christmastime, then I don't know what is.
09 – Shakin' Stevens – Blue Christmas (#2)
Long before the bloke who wrote the theme tune to classic kids claymation 'The Trap Door' and conceived Shaky's big festive floorfiller, there was this in 1982, from 'The Shakin's Stevens EP'. Most famously recorded – but not written – by Elvis, the Shakester is on full homage duty here, sounding almost comedic in places and turning it into a bit of a parody. Still, it reached No2 in the Christmas charts so nobody minded if it sounded like he was taking the piss or not. The 'blue' in the title refers not to the jokes in the crackers, but feeling down when you're not with the one you love. Something that Mud did rather better. The EP also included 'Que Sera Sera', 'Josephine' and 'Lawdy Miss Clawdy' which can easily be glossed over and therefore I shall. Had 'Merry Christmas Everyone' not happened, 'Blue Christmas' may well have featured on more Christmas compilations but let's be honest, if you've only room from one bit of Shaky on your record, it's not going to be this one is it.
Side Two
01 – John & Yoko / Plastic Ono Band – Happy Xmas (War Is Over) (#2)
One would've thought that such a celebrated lyricist would at the very least have a grasp on the calendar. “Another year over and a new one just begun?” How does that work then? John mate, there's six more days after Christmas until the new year has begun. It's on its way, yes, but it ain't happening yet. I'll fix it for you now:
So this is Christmas
And what do you say?
Another year over
And a new one on the way.
Much better. Lennon's idea was to put his message across, but in an accessible way whilst ensuring that it remained optimistic without being too sentimental. Personally I think he smeared a little too much honey on it and I can't help but think that had anyone else done it, it wouldn't be quite so revered and would be seen more as the mawkish and cringe-worthy whine that it is. As I've mentioned on numerous occasions, pop music doesn't require children's choirs and the Harlem Community Choir add nothing except nausea. The spoken introduction is not as many may think the pair wishing each other a happy Christmas but in fact to Kyoko and Julian – their children from previous marriages. As well as that, the song also features backing vocals fromYoko's nephew, Plastic. After these 'whisper-outs' to their children it then becomes the twee swaying/lighter waving number we all know. Upon its original release, 'Happy Xmas' hit the Top 5, but stuck at No4. Christmas 1980 though saw the song re-enter after Lennon's murder and in early January he earned a posthumous No2 – with only a reissued 'Imagine' stopping it from reaching the top.
02 – Greg Lake – I Believe In Father Christmas (#2)
In Men Behaving Badly, Gary once revealed that he was 10 when he stopped believing in Father Christmas. Greg Lake was a whole eighteen years older when he released this wistful ditty in 1975 and according to some sources still believed until his death last Christmas. He didn't, come off it.
The idea of the song was to point people towards the more spiritual side of Christmas and shun the commercialisation that now came with the season. It's sweet melody and thoughtful vocals struck a chord and in December 1975 it reached No2 in the Top 40 with only Queen's more-than-mighty 'Bohemian Rhapsody' keeping him off the top spot. Lake was gracious in defeat and was at least glad he'd been beaten by what he called “one of the greatest records ever”. The familiar riff that features in the song is taken from the "Troika" segment of Sergei Prokofiev's 'Lieutenant Kijé Suite', It is perhaps best utilised in 'Christmas Sleigh Bells' by dear old Wally Stott on his late 1950s release, 'Happy Holiday – Christmas In Stereo'. In 2005, a letter was printed in The Guardian asking if someone really could live off the profits of a Christmas hit – as Hugh Grant's character did in 'About A Boy'. Lake, to his credit, responded, stating that as someone who had written a Christmas hit, it was “lovely to get the old royalty cheque around September every year, but on its own, the Christmas song money isn’t quite enough to buy my own island in the Caribbean”. It remains Lake's sole solo hit and will continue to add notes to his estate for many years to come, although it doesn't seem to re-enter as highly as some of its Christmassy cousins, which is a shame.
03 – Chris de Burgh – A Spaceman Came Travelling (#40)
My favourite part in 'A Spaceman Came Travelling' is where old mono-brow wails 'ahhhhhh aahhhhh aaaahh' as I like to imagine that he's just been kicked down a metal stairwell, and with a broken back the old fucker realises that however loud he cries, nobody can hear him and nobody will come. A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you Chris.
04 – Jona Lewie – Stop The Cavalry (#3)
Following Lewie's electro-pop silliness in the first half of 1980 with the splendid 'You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties, this 'not intended to be about Christmas' song was released in late November just in time for the Christmas chart. Never intended to be a Christmas song. Bollocks - and '3 Lions' wasn't intended to be a football anthem. Stuffed with Salvation Army brass, Christmas bells and sleigh-bells, this would-be summer smash peaked at No3 that year spending eleven weeks on chart. The video for the song is set in the trenches of WWI (and Lewie sitting in fron of his summery Christmas tree), but instead of popping onto YouTube to watch 'Stop The Cavalry', have look at Brian Pern's (Simon Day) parody, 'I Wish I Was At Home With My Missus', keeping an eye out for Brian's Mrs. Whilst you're on the site, search for Mozart's 'Rondo in D Major for Piano and Orchestra K. 382'
and see if it reminds you of anything.
05 – The Beach Boys – Little Saint Nick (N/A)
Not officially a single in the UK, so no chart position to record. What we have here is a thankfully-short rehash of the Boys' own song 'Little Deuce Coupe'. According to Brian Wilson he wrote the lyrics whilst out on a date and rushed home to finish the music. One can only imagine what his date looked like if he was inspired to write a song about a bearded old man and scarper as soon as possible to go and get his guitar out. Maybe it was Brian's Pern's Mrs? What do you mean you didn't look it up? Tut tut. It is though one of those Christmas songs that compilation compilers seem to stick onto the Christmas discs, but do you actually know anyone that really likes it? I'm not a fan and learning that the B side was 'The Lord's Prayer' really isn't helping things this end.
06 – Queen – Thank God It's Christmas (#21)
In July '84, Roger Taylor and Brian May and set about composing a Christmas song. The pair came up with one each and recorded demos of both. The winner was Roger and the song was this one. It says a lot about Brian's – I Dream Of Christmas - if they decided Roger's was better. It also says a lot about Brian's when I tell you that he later gave it to his equally-permed Mrs – Anita Dobson for her not to have a hit with in 1987. 'Thank God For Christmas' does feel like a bit of a let-down. One might expect Queen + Christmas would be a huge, anthemic affair, but instead we have a rather cold and soulless ballad that lacks any real energy and heart. The record-buying public weren't exactly enamoured with it either as it failed to make it into the Top20. It also seems to fallen off NOW's Christmas compilations and at the moment only seems to be available on a Queen release. Whilst we're being critical, it's worth adding that there is no accompanying video to the single which like Slade, seems a little foolish what with the portential of the internet. Oh, one more moan - I have to say, it does sound an awful lot like The Pretenders '2000 Miles' in places.
07 – Mud – Lonely This Christmas (#1)
Sounding a little like Showaddywaddy walking through treacle, this is a downbeat, doo-wop ditty about lost love and how it hurts more at this time of the year. Whilst being a decent song, it fails to really hit the spot emotionally as, like Shaky, it feels more like a parody - especially the spoken parts, man alive. In fact what with the arrangement and the lip-quivering vocals, it does at times feel like a Christmas mix of 'Are You Lonesome tonight'. Despite this, don't be seeking out some of its covers – especially the one by Blue – as it still has a certain charm. Mud were pretty big performers on the pops and this was their second of three No1 hits, as well as a further eight top-tenners. Unlike some of their contemporaries, Mud are remembered most for their non-Christmas hits. Think of Slade, think of 'Merry Xmas Everybody', think of Wizzard, think of 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday', think of Mud, think of 'Tiger Feet'. Whether this is a good thing or not remains to be seen.
08 – Johnny Mathis – When A Child Is Born (Soleado) (#1)
With it's eerie and irrelevant flutey beginning, this easy listener crawls along at a depressingly slow pace. Although it may seem slow to these ears as I'm more used to hearing the melody being used on Mark'Oh galloping Euro-techno monster, 'Tears Don't Lie'. Mathis had been popping into the hit parade every now and again for almost twenty years when he took this English language version of the song 'Soleado' to No1 in 1976. Johnny would chart twice more in his career – once in '78 and finally in '79 – with the rather foretelling 'Gone Gone Gone' because after that, he was. 'When A Child Is Born' continues to buzz around our ears in the likes of Waitrose every year and with its faint but not blatant 'nativity' theme, it will continue to do so for some time. It's also the second song on this LP that mentions yellow people, but then LEGO is extremely popular at Christmas time – or if you are American, LEGOS are extremely popular on Christmas.
09 – Bing Crosby – White Christmas (#5)
The legendary Irving Berlin was responsible for one of the world's most successful Christmas song and at some point all the big crooners have had a go and have done nothing remotely different with it. Crosby played down his role in the song's success, saying once that “a jackdaw with a cleft palate could have sung it successfully," – now that would've been taking it in a a different direction! But anyway, it's Bing's reading though that is not only the best-known, but also the best-selling single of all time. A record that the UK music industry are desperate for Ed Sheeran to surpass and are working to achieve as we speak. Having completed 'White Christmas', Berlin was quoted as saying “he'd written the best song anyone's ever written”. He hadn't as that's subjective, but we can forgive him for thinking that considering the staggering success and longevity it has gone on to enjoy. Chart-wise, 'White Christmas' wasn't a hit in the UK singles charts until December 1973 when it reached No5 and hung about the chart for seven weeks, but that's not really what you would measure this song by. I have to say though it moves me about as much as that painfully unfunny viral of that woman in her car in a Chewbacca mask. Maybe it's a generational thing, I don't know. I'm just not a fan of that 'black and white' sound and how it feels like it was recorded over the telephone with Bing warbling down a Post Office poster tube. And I'm not a fan of how slowly the crooners croon because for a relatively short song it seems to go on for bloody ages. Good for a sing-song on Christmas down The Gay Duck., but don't put it on the jukebox thanks.
Released – Christmas 1985
High Points Last Christmas, In Dulci Jubilo, Another Rock 'n' Roll Christmas – sorry, but it's a belter.
Low Points I'm going to be fair and say there are no real low points as they all deserve to be on here one way or another.
Song Count 18 – a double-LP of strong Christmas songs would be pushing it. Still, it hasn't stopped them from producing a three disc set nowadays and there aren't that many more you'd add to the one's already here.
Number 1s – Four out of eighteen isn't bad, plus there are some huge, long-lasting hits included too.
Flops – Beach Boys doesn't really count as a flop, but it wasn't a hit. Shall we allow Chris de Burgh's No40 achievement to be a hit? No, definitely a flop.
Notes This was the first incarnation of the NOW! Christmas compilation. It was released on cassette and compact disc with slightly altered titles, for example 'NOW! The Christmas Tape'. Over the years the compilation it has expanded – dropping a few tracks on the way – and is now a rather overly-bulbous three CD affair with an awful lot of filler and some half-decent songs from more recent times omitted.
Overall Mark 7/10
The 2CD version from 2000.
The 3CD version from 2013.
